Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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