we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
