swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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