I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
