I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
