Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
