there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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