when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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