they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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