Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
