i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
