about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
