U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize