i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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