This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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