cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
pray to the hookup gods
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
