My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
