Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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