So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
