When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize