I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
