Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
