so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
