I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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