what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
