the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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