Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
