So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize