Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
