well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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