so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
