Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize