Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need to calm my uterus...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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