I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
