her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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