I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
