I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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