what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize