how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
