Small penises have feelings too.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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