Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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