After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
