i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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