Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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