Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
