They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
