he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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