It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
