I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
