ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
