I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
