Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
