I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
