if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
