That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
