Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
