i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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