There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
