Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
