I am in a vortex of obligation.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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