The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
