nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
