Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
