boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
