i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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