i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
40s are totally the cure
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
