Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
