he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize