Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize