The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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