Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
