If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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