I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
