You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize