How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
nutella sex= disaster
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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