He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
