If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
