We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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