meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
