you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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