Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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