you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
