That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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