My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
